The List
by TriplePirouette
Summary: The origin of Steve's list in The Winter Soldier, or, why Steve needs Peggy to remind him of things he should already know.


Title: The List

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Spoilers: Captain America The Winter Soldier

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Word Count: 1,604

Distribution: AO3. Anyone else please ask first :)

Summary: The origin of Steve's list in The Winter Soldier, or, why Steve needs Peggy to remind him of things he should already know.

Feedback PLEASE at:triplepirouettephile Or just hit the little button there.

AN: Just… I will never be over these two, ever.

Huge thanks to Tumblr's Youcantgivemeorders for beta-ing!

Steve Rogers tried not to get mad when people told him he should check things out. It was frustrating to be in the middle of a conversation and have someone reference pop culture and not know how to respond, but it was even more frustrating to watch them react.

"You've got to watch that movie."

"Oh, that book is a must!"

"Seriously? You don't know that yet?"

The Internet was helpful once he'd figured out how to use the computer SHIELD had given him. He could search damn near anything. Sometimes he came up with an answer right away, sometimes he ended up digging through YouTube and shaking his head at what humanity had become.

It was dizzying all the things he "didn't know." The amount of history he was behind alone made him feel like a dunce, and Steve had never felt like that in his whole life. Catching up with the scientific achievements was made a little easier by SHIELD techs, but they were all a little too starry eyed when he showed up to really answer most of his questions. That meant one thing, one resource left.

Peggy.

She was sitting up in bed today, dressed in a sweater and long cotton dress. It must have been a good day, he mused, as he walked into her room. "Good morning," he smiled at her, reaching out for her hand.

"And to you, Captain," Peggy replied with a little laugh as he kissed the back of her hand. She shook her head at his antics as he sat down. "You make an old woman feel young again."

Steve bounced his head from side to side, a shy smile on his face. "Then my mission for today is complete." He leaned back in the chair. "How are you feeling?"

She laughed, clutching the sweater tighter around her. "As well as can be expected. Saw the doctor this morning, same old hemming and hawing from him, poked and prodded until he was satisfied that not much has changed."

Steve smiled softly with a small nod. "Good." He knew she was still sick, that she wasn't going to get better, but a good day was still a good day.

"What's on your mind?" She asked, bluntly. Steve's brows wrinkled and he leaned back, trying to play it out, but Peggy just laughed lightly at him. "I could tell there was something bothering you from the second you stepped over that threshold."

"Am I really that easy to read?" He slumped in his chair with a small sigh.

Peggy reached out and covered his hand with hers. "Only to me."

He turned his hand and twined their fingers, staring at the juxtaposition of his smooth skin intertwined with her wrinkles. Wrinkles he might share if he hadn't missed their date. "It's just… I've missed so much."

Peggy nodded solemnly. "You have, and not all of it was good." Her eyes drifted a bit in memory. "Every once in a while something would happen- shag carpeting or the Vietnam War, and I couldn't help but to think of how you'd react to it." Her eyes found his with a small smile on her face. "For the record, you would have hated both of those." Steve laughed, leaning forward and nodding as she gave his hand a small squeeze. "What about it is bothering you?"

Steve scrubbed his free hand over his face, unsure of how to say it even though he had run it in his head over and over. "I don't- it's just…"

Peggy rolled her eyes at him. "Spit it out, soldier."

He dropped his hand and stared at her, his eyes filled with wonder and love. "Right. It's just that every time something comes up that I don't know about, it feels like I'm dumb, but I know I'm not. So I go and I look it up and…" He sighed. "Sometimes, yeah, it's just history stuff and then I learn it and I get it, but sometimes…"

"Sometimes what?" She asked, turning her head to the side, trying to catch his gaze.

Steve sat up straight. "Sometimes it's recommendations. I have to watch a movie, or read a book and they look at me and say that I'll love it but when I've reached the end… I don't." Steve shrugged. "It's not that I feel like I have to enjoy everything but…"

"But they don't know you," Peggy whispered. "They tell you that you're going to love it, and you want to trust that they know you, and they don't."

"Yeah," Steve's head dropped with a relieved sigh. "Exactly that."

"You were always too good for this world, Steve Rogers." Peggy slid to the edge of the bed, dangling her legs off the side. He couldn't help but assist her and she shook her head at him as she settled into sitting. "People in this century only know about you from books, from comics, and that damned radio play that I couldn't seem to get away from." He eyed her questioningly, but she rebuffed him quickly. "Another story for another time." She held out both her hands. "Help me up?"

Gently he helped her stand, waiting until she was steady before stepping back. It put a lump in his throat to watch her small, shuffling steps. He stayed close, ready to catch her if she wobbled a little too much, as she went to a drawer in the vanity across from them. He smiled at her back as she carefully sifted through the contents. "You're the only one that ever really knew me, Peg. You and Bucky."

She turned, her eyes deep with regret. "It doesn't have to always be that way, Steve. Maybe they won't know you the same way, remember the man you once were, but people can know you now. Let people get to know you." She smiled with triumph as she pulled a small notebook out of the drawer before holding out her hand for him to help her back to the bed. "Make new friends, Steve." He helped her sit gently, her eyes misting as she looked up at him. "I don't think I could bare it if I didn't think you'd have someone when I'm gone."

The emotion hit him hard, so he just nodded, forcing the lump in his throat back as he sat. He took a deep breath. "I'll try, I will."

Peggy slid back to reach for a pen on her dresser, but stopped and stared him down with all the fire that she had back when he first met her, fire that she'd never lost. "Do better than try, Steve." She waited until he looked up at her. "Don't lose this second chance you've gotten."

"I won't," he mumbled, the emotion choking his words as she picked up the pen. He shook his head as she started to write in the small book. "I'll never find people like you and Bucky again, not the way you both knew me."

"Damn well better not," she murmured, smiling up at him. She huffed and shook her head. "My daughter was a Girl Scout, and they had this incessant song she sang around the house for a month straight. It goes, 'Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold.'"

Steve brightened up at her light lilt of a song. "Pretty deep for a kid's song."

"Bucky and I will always be people you can't replace, and I'm not asking you to do that. We can be the gold." She handed him the book and small pen. "Make new friends, Steve; ones who don't just see you as a weapon or as a soldier. Make friends who see you as a man."

He nodded, turning into his thoughts as he stared at the book. "You're right. I know you're right."

"When am I not?" Peggy laughed, covering his hands with one of hers.

"So what's in here now?" He asked, holding up the book and giving it a little shake.

She smiled widely, her eyes sparkling. "Two books, a movie, and a kind of candy bar."

He leaned back, his eyes squinting as he teased her. "A shopping list?"

"No," she clicked her tongue against her teeth, "I want you to try them and report back, you daft man." She just laughed as he looked into the book, his eyes ticking back and forth as he read. "I'll start a list for you to add to it. I can't quite remember everything I'd thought you'd like in my lifetime, but I can give you enough to stay busy."

Steve slipped the book in his pocket before taking her hands. "I'll get started on it right away."

"Good." She squeezed his hands tight as they smiled at one another. She felt her heart beat faster, and not from her medication or from age, but from emotion. They always bubbled to the surface when he was here, and they both always pretended not to notice. Peggy pressed the feelings down hard as she skillfully changed the subject, though she knew she didn't fool Steve for one moment. "Now, that silly nurse is going to be back any minute with another set of pills for me and another lecture for you about appropriate times to visit, so I suggest you slip away before we both have to hear that lecture again."

"Right." Steve stood and leaned over the bed, kissing Peggy's cheek softly. "Knew I could count on my best girl to knock some sense into me."

Peggy just shook her head, a wistful smile on her face. "Until next time, Steve."

"With a full report on my experiences!" He stood tall and winked before he turned to leave, the goodbyes they never said sitting deep in the pits of both their stomachs. His mind started to swirl dark at the depth of her words until he heard her talking to herself as he walked down the hall.

"Daft man! Like sending a child off to kindergarten, having to remind him to make friends. Bloody Nora!"

Steve laughed to himself and pulled out the notebook. "Guess I better get started."


End file.
